One of the best scenes in the Oscar-winning movie, "The King’s Speech," is excruciating to watch. As the then Duke of York approaches the microphone for a speech to thousands of people at Wembley Stadium—he freezes. The words don’t come out. You feel his panic, and you feel terrible for him. And though you may have never spoken in front of thousands of people, you’ve been there yourself. All of us have had times when the words just wouldn’t come out. It feels awful and you can regret it for years--sometimes for a lifetime.
"Why didn’t I tell her I love her? Why didn’t I say no to my boss? Why didn’t I ask her out on a date?" The list of things that you wanted to say—but didn’t say—is endless. As with the main cause of stuttering, you're afraid. Fear stops your free speech. Early fears in life, from cold or abusive parents, siblings or other threats from authority figures will affect your speech. You may not stutter, but you may speak softly, mumble, keep quiet, shut up or just smile a lot.
Of course, there are times when it is best to hold your tongue. An ancient biblical verse from Ecclesiastes says, "There is a time to be silent and a time to speak." (Ec.3:7). Another verse from James gives similar wisdom that "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak." (Ja.1:19). I often tell my clients that while James teaches us to think about our words before we say them--he also tells us to follow through and say it. Every marriage book ever written emphasizes the importance for couples to verbalize their thoughts and feelings to each other. Mind reading is not an art. It's not even possible. We need to speak up. Here are three points to help set you free to express yourself.
1. Most people can handle what you have to say. Your family members, boss or even strangers usually won't react according to your worst case scenarios. Your fears usually stretch the truth. Most people will listen to what you have to say, and if they disagree with you, so what? Differences and disagreements are not the worst thing in the world. They usually illuminate, sometimes even fascinate! Fortunately, you aren't seven years old anymore and need to please an unhappy parent. Today you can have adult-to-adult conversations with others.
2. You are a natural born speaker. It's human nature to communicate. Why do people world-wide make billions of phone calls and texts every day? Human beings are extremely verbal creatures. Even when God created the heavens and the earth, He said that it was "good." Ever wonder who He was talking to? And just like our Maker, we also talk to ourselves at times. You are not meant to shut-up and be silent. The old adage that "children should be seen and not heard" is inhuman in any culture. Everyone has a voice, including the deaf and mute. God created you to say something!
3. Talking is good for your mental health. Therapy has been called the "talking cure" because we all know that it helps to talk with someone in a time of need. In fact, it helps to talk with others all the time, about all kinds of things. When we are down, we need a listening ear. When we are thrilled about a new car or just got engaged, we also need to talk about the good news. For humans, a sure recipe for insanity is to not talk with anyone (can you imagine what a year in solitary confinement would do to you?). Make it a priority in life to regularly talk with someone.
In the ending scene of "The King's Speech", the King faces another microphone--this time by radio to the entire country and beyond. The pressure is intense. But the biggest support and difference this time was standing three feet away from him--his close friend and speech therapist, encouraging him to speak up. It was a time to speak. And the nation heard what they needed to hear. You also have a world to speak to in your life. What do you have to say to others? What do you need to say? In the words of a popular song today, "Say what you need to say."
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