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U.S.' Manteo Mitchell, back in red in the men's 4X400m relay heats in the London 2012
Olympic Games on August 9, 2012 in London(AFP PHOTO/ERIC FEFERBERG)
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With 83 medals and counting, the US Olympic team has taken a solid lead in the 2012 London Summer Olympic games. From swimming to track to gymnastics, our athletes have given their best in sport after sport. Now imagine if marriage was an Olympic sport. How well do you think American spouses would compete? What kind of medal would your own marriage win?
Success in sports is challenging, but success in marriage can be even more difficult. If countries got medals for divorce instead of marriage, the US comes in fifth place in the world (Russia gets the gold in divorce, followed by Belarus and Ukraine). American couples have a terrible track record.
Olympic athletes can teach us some important keys to succeed again. A vital key is commitment. Without commitment, no athlete would practice and train in their sport for thousands of hours and year after year. Commitment keeps our focus on our desired outcome or goal. It is a promise to oneself or team to do one’s very best. Commitment shapes our behavior--especially when times get tough and we don’t feel like going on. In sports or marriage, our commitment gets us through the toughest pains and setbacks.
American runner Manteo Mitchell is an inspiration about staying committed even in times of pain. After the men's 4 X 400 meter relay, he tells how he finished his leg of the race, "Faith, focus, finish. Faith, focus, finish. That's the only thing I could say to myself." As he was just half way around the track with his baton, he heard his leg break. "It felt like somebody literally just snapped my leg in half," he said (The Associated Press – Thu, Aug 9, 2012) Although he wanted to lie down, Mitchell kept running on his broken left fibula. With his time of 46.1 seconds, his team not only finished under three minutes, they set a new record for the first round of an Olympic relay.
Mitchell kept running to not let down his team. As he said afterward, “I figured it's what almost any person would've done in that situation." I may be overly skeptical, but I’m not so sure about that--running on a broken leg? And when it comes to difficult marital “situations”, I’m not so sure that most spouses have that kind of Olympic-size commitment to their marriage.
When setbacks happen in your marriage (not if but when), and you feel you can’t go on anymore, what keeps you from quitting? When you have broken dreams, a broken heart, a broken bank account, or broken health, what keeps you going on? When have you felt like shifting your commitment from “us” and "we" to just "I" and “me”?
Divorce attorney Wendy Jaffe, in her book The Divorce Lawyers Guide to Staying Married (2006), points out that a lack of commitment is one of the top ten causes for divorce. American spouses have been profoundly influenced by a narcissistic culture that elevates a commitment to “me” far above “we”. We've become a nation of personal entitlements over personal commitments. As Atlanta attorney Shiel Edlin observes, “The threshold of what gets people to pull the trigger has gone down over the last twenty years. People are more self-absorbed than ever before, more pleasure seeking, willing to accept less pain, and basically looking for instant gratification. The notion of being committed is lost among most Americans.” (p. 180)
What's the level of commitment to your marriage and spouse? What medal are you and your spouse aiming for? Are you settling for a bronze, or don't even care? Did you already walk off the track? If you would like to recommit yourself to your marriage, do what it takes to get some help. Marriage books, workshops and counseling can help couples succeed again. One or both of you may need special attention to what is broken or interfering with your love for the other. Take care of yourself and each other. Your race together started on your wedding day. Commitment will help keep you on track to the finish line.
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