Google just released their annual Zeitgeist report on the most
searched words and questions in 2012. The report from the world's largest search engine summarizes
the top ten lists from 1.2 trillion searches in 146
languages. What do you guess is the top searched question in the world?
Words that made the top ten search list include Whitney Houston, Gangnam
Style, Olympics and Hurricane Sandy. Among the top ten list of questions are, “What is Gluten?”, “What is iCloud?” and “What is
Instagram?” But the number one question
asked from Canada to Europe to South Africa may surprise you--“What is love?”
Before offering my own answer to the question, let me raise another one or two. Why do you think people are asking this question--and why so many? How would you answer the question, "What is love?" Think about your answer for a moment before reading mine.
I know this may sound odd, but I ask myself (and answer) this question every day. As a marriage therapist and relationship coach, I address this question with my clients five days a week. As a husband and father, I think about this question seven days a week. As a Christian believer, my life and faith is based upon commands to love every day. The two most important commandments to both Jews and Christians is to love God and to love others. Jesus said that "All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments." (Mt 22:40) In other words, if you love God and others, you naturally won't steal, lie, envy or murder people. If you love your wife, you won't cheat on her. This commandment to love is also proactive. We aren't meant to wait or expect to be loved first. We're meant to initiate love all the time (which is one small reason why I open the door for people. It's not be a major act of love, but small acts of kindness are always in the right ballpark).
My own guess about why so many people are asking about love today is because so many people have tried and failed in their relationships with loved ones. As noted in a previous blog, the United States ranks fifth in the world for the highest divorce rate. Even outside of marriage, many people have a hard time loving their own..."loved ones". Parents, children, siblings and relatives are often referred to as loved ones, but are treated like hated ones. With divorce and failed relationships so common, it's not surprising why people are asking what love is.
My favorite definition of love has been a helpful and reliable guide throughout my own life, marriage and fatherhood. My wife and kids know I don't perfectly live up to this kind of love everyday, but I keep trying. This definition of love is two thousand years old, but timeless in it's wisdom and practicality. I memorized it years ago and repeat it to myself daily. I recommend that couples memorize and meditate on it daily too. What is love? Here is an ancient answer from Scripture:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
This standard of love raises the bar pretty high. This kind of love isn't so much a feeling as a major challenge. Love like this isn't easy and sometimes goes against our natural feelings or human nature. When I'm guilty of being easily angered, I stop and tell myself to be patient and kind instead. This definition of love keeps me on track and helps me to love better. Although each one of these qualities of love is a challenge to meet, the outcome is well worth the cost. The return is priceless. Imagine if parents loved like this. How would their children grow up? If spouses loved each other like this--what would their marriage be like? What will your marriage be like if you loved like this?
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