You might not be among the two million Americans sitting behind bars today, but you could be sitting in a different kind of prison--of regrets, self-hatred and self-condemnation. I hear prisoners every day in my counseling office. “I hate myself and will never forgive myself” is a judgement I've heard a thousand times. A life sentence if there ever was one.A great illustration of beating up oneself is acted out by Jim Carey in the movie, "Liar, Liar". In a moment of outrage, Carey takes out his anger on himself while washing his hands in a public restroom. He is so mad at himself that he throws his whole body around on the walls and floor, ripping his clothes and kicking himself silly. After looking completely disheveled, beaten and bruised, another man walks in and asks what he is doing to himself. His response?--“I’m kicking my ass!”
How often do you do the same thing to yourself? Everyone kicks themselves at one time or another. Yet some people keep kicking themselves every day for years. You may be stuck in the prison of guilt and self-hatred yourself. Rotting in jail.
Or you can go free. The "Get Out of Jail Free" card is not just a great deal in the game of monopoly. The card is also available to you in life. I call it the Grace Card. As you will need it often, it's best to keep it in your pocket. Your life was not meant to be spent in a prison of any kind. You were meant to be free.
The Bible is the best Grace Card around. The theme of freedom and grace runs through the Bible from the beginning to end. The exodus of the Jews from slavery in Egypt is one of the greatest liberation stories in history. A time came when God decided that Pharaoh's time was up. The Jewish people were freed to leave. God offers the same freedom to individuals. When King David committed adultery with Bathsheba (and killed her husband), he was overwhelmed with guilt. As he wrote in Psalm 38, "My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear." Yet even David found freedom from a life sentence of guilt through the God of grace and forgiveness.
The Bible is the best Grace Card around. The theme of freedom and grace runs through the Bible from the beginning to end. The exodus of the Jews from slavery in Egypt is one of the greatest liberation stories in history. A time came when God decided that Pharaoh's time was up. The Jewish people were freed to leave. God offers the same freedom to individuals. When King David committed adultery with Bathsheba (and killed her husband), he was overwhelmed with guilt. As he wrote in Psalm 38, "My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear." Yet even David found freedom from a life sentence of guilt through the God of grace and forgiveness.
David wrote of this grace in Psalms 103, "The Lord is compassionate and gracious,...he does not treat us as our sins deserve,...as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." Simply put in Psalm 146, "The Lord sets prisoners free."
Stop beating yourself up. Here's how to change:
1. Talk it out. Don't bottle it up or keep your regrets to yourself. Talk with a trusted person or friend that will listen to your story with both seriousness and grace. If possible, apologize to the person that you offended. You will not only feel better emotionally and relationally. You will also do better physically. Self-hatred stresses your body. As David put it, "When I kept silent, my bones wasted away." (Ps.32) Confession of your guilt is the first step to your freedom and new life.
2. Learn from it. Learn from your mistakes and change for the better. If you hurt someone else, do good to them. You may not be able to fully repay someone that you harmed, but you can at least change your actions in the future and do good.
3. Look up again. Shame causes your focus in life to look downward at your shoes. Receiving God's grace allows you to look up again, and even stand up straight again. You can keep looking at your shame, or you can look up to God's grace and forgiveness. You choose.
Finally, be a source of gracefulness to others. People around you are beating themselves up too, even though you may not see it (and the saddest thing in the world are people that silently hate themselves or feel unlovable simply because they weren't loved well enough when they were young). Be a source of love and grace to them and to everyone else. And don't forget to be graceful to yourself too.
Stop beating yourself up. Here's how to change:
1. Talk it out. Don't bottle it up or keep your regrets to yourself. Talk with a trusted person or friend that will listen to your story with both seriousness and grace. If possible, apologize to the person that you offended. You will not only feel better emotionally and relationally. You will also do better physically. Self-hatred stresses your body. As David put it, "When I kept silent, my bones wasted away." (Ps.32) Confession of your guilt is the first step to your freedom and new life.
2. Learn from it. Learn from your mistakes and change for the better. If you hurt someone else, do good to them. You may not be able to fully repay someone that you harmed, but you can at least change your actions in the future and do good.
3. Look up again. Shame causes your focus in life to look downward at your shoes. Receiving God's grace allows you to look up again, and even stand up straight again. You can keep looking at your shame, or you can look up to God's grace and forgiveness. You choose.
Finally, be a source of gracefulness to others. People around you are beating themselves up too, even though you may not see it (and the saddest thing in the world are people that silently hate themselves or feel unlovable simply because they weren't loved well enough when they were young). Be a source of love and grace to them and to everyone else. And don't forget to be graceful to yourself too.
Comments
Post a Comment